I was reading “Where Dead Voices Gather” while I waited for my first class to begin. This book discusses early american music, and the evolution of minstrel shows. The “n” (“N”?) word is used repeatedly  throughout the book, not from the author exactly, but from listing songs and other popular elements from early american music. I kept feeling self conscious as I was reading, hoping no one was reading over my shoulder or glancing at a page. I was worried because while I had context in which the word was used, onlookers would have no such context. I don’t mind reading Tosches book, it’s very informative about a large piece of american pop culture I never knew existed. Why does it bother me to be seen reading books with the “n” word but it doesn’t bother me to read it? Why do I choose to never use that word in speech or conversation but I can think about the word, and think the word, in my head without flinching? Does context make certain words and ideas less racist? If context can turn a racist word into just a historical term, what does that mean about the word itself? It’s way more complicated than just “this is racist” and “that’s not racist”, especially in a historical context. What I consider a terrible and derogatory term to be used in conversation can be extracted and studied in a historical light.

I am bothered about the fact that “blacking up” and humiliating an entire race was considered good american fun at one point, but I am also bothered about the fact that it isn’t often taught about, I think, for not wanting to bring up a sore subject.  I don’t mind learning about the minstrel show and all the performers that were in it, but it can be very uncomfortable discussing it outside of class. I think where you discuss these topics can be just as important as context when it comes to how they will be received.

Why can I read the “n” word, but not write it in my blog post? I think it’s a good thing, I just don’t fully understand the why.